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The current period represents a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the words Zoomers is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {